YOU HAVE TO WRITE

*I read the picture book You Have To Write by Janet Wong to my students today, day 3 of writing camp (for high school students).  They had to use the title as a prompt and compose a piece using that as a starting point. Here is MY response...(please excuse any typos...this is unedited and raw.)

I have to write?!

The reason has changed over time.

I realize that I have to write

now

because I agreed

because I committed

because I signed a contract

because I have what might be called the chance of a life time,

the chance I have been waiting for

this opportunity

for my whole life

but but but why why why don’t I feel pumped and excited about that?

why can’t I sit down and write books with ease like I could before?

            before the MFA and before I signed the contract?

I have to write because

I might blow it

I might sabotage myself

I might f- it up

I might not want to

but I have to and I

have to for reasons that

are not the same as

before

Before

I have to write I say when I am 9 and have my writing studio in our half basement next to the cat box because there’s no other quiet place with full privacy.

I have to write I say when I am in 4^th grade and the teacher is making little awards that are supposed to boast our big achievements for the year and mine just says Ambition Is To Be An Author.

I have to write I say in fifth grade when our charge is write a children’s book and I decide to write a short story instead. The teacher accuses me of not writing it by my self. It was 10 pages and called It’s Okay To Cry.

I have to write I say in 6^th grade when the Mean Girl tried to ostracize me and my revenge is to write my first full novel. I call it Rivals.

I have to write I say when I am in 8^th grade. I’ve moved on to poetry inspired by a boyfriend who kissed me under a tree by the beach.

I have to write I say because when I start high school the changes in my life are so awful and the sadness is so huge the only thing I can do with it that is remotely positive is write and write and write.

I have to write I say when I am 15 and have a chance to study with some of the best at a creative arts camp. I write the first 80 pages of what will eventually be my first novel.

I have to write I say when I am 16 going to Harvard’s summer writing program with teachers like the editor of Boston Magazine and a well-known, award-winning fiction writer.

I have to write I say and I am in college minoring in writing and majoring in English.

I have to write I say and I am 24, getting married. I have to write because time is running out and I haven’t finished that book I started when I was 15.

I have to write I say and I am 28 and pregnant with my first child and I have to write because that finished book has been sitting in my computer now for 4 years and I’m going to publish it.

I have to write I say and I am 33 and committed to an MFA program and writing short story after short story for my thesis.

I have to write I say because I am 35 and starting a literary magazine and I have to write and write and write and edit and edit and edit…

Have. To. Write. Now.

GO!