I haven’t blogged in a week because I was really living in
the moment each day, focusing on my commitment to the free mindfulness course, which
trickled out into my daily life with work and family. It seems like a subtle
shift, but when I am working with a student or client, I am really there,
connecting with him or her. If I’m with my kids or husband, it’s the same
thing; being there, hearing their voices and engaging in what they are saying.
Like week 1, week 2 revolved
around a daily commitment to both a formal and informal mindfulness exercise
and to log both experiences. The formal was to continue with week one’s body
scan meditation but alternate it with another meditation called the sitting
meditation. The informal was to notice how we experience and process pleasant
events.
I honestly wish I could just keep doing week 2
and not move on from it because it is providing me with these very grounding
and positive elements of my life that require no purchasing and no evaluating. Especially
the informal exercise of how we experience pleasure. One that I logged was from
early in the week when I found myself crying and hugging my daughter in a
spontaneous moment of realizing that she is now taller than me and, thus,
growing up. This moment occurred as we were rushing around the super market and
hurrying out to the car with the cart, my daughter ahead of me, almost at the
car, when I noticed a baby and her father. The baby beamed at me and I said
something that I used to hear over and over when my girls were little, “She’s
so beautiful…Savor the moment! It will go by so fast.” The father nodded and
let me know that this was “number three” so he knew exactly what I meant. By
the time I reached the car, my daughter was impatiently waiting for me, but I
was already crying. I grabbed her into a hug, and she let me, she even soothed,
“It’s okay, Mom” even though I don’t think she knew exactly what my tears were
for. That moment of releasing the tears and hugging her was such a rush of
pleasure and contentment, and I don’t think I would have been able to fully
rest into that moment had I not been doing these exercises all week. Just like
what happened this weekend, with the kids being home on Friday for a PD day
from school and my youngest and I having some time by ourselves. The weather
was summery, and so we went outside, did some basketball, our own version of
tennis (see the pic above), and some wiffleball. Running and laughing with
her was perfection…and something I’m not sure I would have slowed down enough
to even think of doing just two weeks ago. My stomach muscles felt worked in a
familiar way—that bellyache you get from laughing too hard. When I logged that
moment, I wrote, “I had forgotten how good that feeling is.”
I had other moments I recorded and the feeling I had each
time the actual sensation in my body was described each time as “a rush” or “relief”
or “warm” or “connected” or “fulfilled” and these were all moments I had with
others, co-workers, children, spouse, and even by myself—during a meditation
where the window was open and the breeze was brushing against my hands.
So, it’s no wonder that for this week, I really looked
forward to the exercises—based on everything so far, they made me feel good! What
I also notice, as I look back on week 2, is that I’ve managed to embed the
mindfulness practices into my daily routine so that even when it was a day that
was so full I couldn’t fit in meditation until the end of the day, I still
wanted to do it; it wasn’t a chore. One day, I came home from work and everyone
was out at an activity so I just went right into my bed room, stretched out on
the floor and did a ten-minute body scan. I was interrupted when my husband
came barging in, but I just told him I needed 10 minutes and I started again. I
think because I told my whole family that this was a commitment I was doing for
the next 8 weeks, I have been able to make it a priority…but not in a rigid or perfectionist
way. The gift of this practice is that it has allowed me to learn how to be
flexible and realistic in my expectations of myself and others. I allowed
myself to kind of “rest” into mindfulness instead of, as I call it, “trying to get
the A” (i.e., be perfect). So, if that meant not meditating at the same time
every day but rather allowing myself the freedom and self-trust fit it into the
day as it unfolded, then so be it.
Some other ways in which I “rested” into the mindfulness are
that I decided that meditation works best for me if it is between 10 and 15
minutes as opposed to 30. I also realized that guided meditations are fine if
the voice feels soothing and doesn’t distract me from the actual mediation. So,
what I did was find some alternatives to the mediations that are utilized in
the course. I used this for the body scan meditation and I used a script that I tailored
to my own needs for the sitting meditation. I also allowed myself a day off
this week, and I am allowing myself to do week two for a few
more days this week…mainly because of Mother Nature who decided to surprise New
England with a bit of a Nor’easter
that has rendered us without power. I type this in the candle light as my girls
play Uno for the millionth time
saying, “It’s like old fashion times!”
As we set off into this old fashion evening, with
candlelight and flashlights (yes, and the winking and blinking of iPads and laptops), I wonder if I will begin week three or let myself linger in the loveliness
of week 2 a little longer…
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